Garden Boxes

I have a great husband. Ever since we put our backyard in, he's been planning to build some garden boxes for me. He designed three--this is the "big" one. As you can imagine, they will all be quite large.

These boxes have taken us forever to finish. Our backyard is not very level, so we've been ripping out sod, altering the sprinkler layout, and digging and digging and digging. I've also painted this box (2 coats) with some deck restore stuff. That stuff's crazy--it coats the wood really thick and rubbery. We are hoping it will be a good alternative to the pricier Trex and vinyl options we considered. Stain just seems too labor-intensive (you have to redo it every few years).

I can't wait for the finished product and I'm ready to move onto other projects. But it's been fun.

**Oh, and when hubby and I were trying to move the garden box out of the garage and into the backyard, an older couple driving by stopped and asked if we needed help. They seriously looked like they were 80 years old! I appreciate the gesture, but also had to laugh to myself. I guess we always think we are just as young as we used to be.

Gratitude

My neighbor recently announced that she was pregnant with twins. Amazingly, she has a 10 month old and a 2 year old, so I imagine it was quite the news. I just found out today that she lost one of the babies. She made an announcement on Facebook (a fairly positive one about welcoming a new child into their family, but that they lost one of the babies) and I've had mixed emotions reading most of the feedback. Many of the people are simply offering words of congratulations, "I'm so excited for you," and "I can't wait to meet the baby!" I am wondering how she is taking all of this.

I think I would be devastated. But also grateful to still have one baby. I'm not sure I would be very understanding, however, of the people who just ignored the loss of one child and were just "so excited." But I suppose they are probably just trying to be positive and supportive.

(This is me a few days after delivering Roo. I'm pale as a ghost and sooo swollen. I used to be embarrassed about how awful I looked after delivery, but now I see these photos as evidence of the best sacrifice I ever made.)

A friend from high school also just lost her baby at 32 weeks. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. I am so grateful to be a mother and to have a healthy child. I had to have an emergency C-section with Baby Roo because I had HELLP Syndrome. I knew I was sick and I was in the worst pain of my life, but it has only been recently that I have realized how lucky I am to have a healthy baby. And also how lucky I am to be here to raise her. I really could have died.

I've been doing more research on HELLP Syndrome to help me understand what I went through and what the risk might be for subsequent pregnancies. I've learned how incredibly blessed I was to get HELLP Syndrome so late into my pregnancy. So many mothers are forced to deliver their babies due to HELLP at 20 or 30 weeks. Many of those babies do not survive. I thank my Heavenly Father that I got sick at 37-38 weeks. I thank Him that my baby was perfect. And I am so grateful that I was the one who was sick instead of my baby.

I am learning that pregnancy and child birth are not as routine and low-risk as I always thought. A lot of babies do not survive, a lot of mothers get really, really sick, and a lot of families suffer a lot of heartbreak. I pray for peace for those who have not been as fortunate as I and thank my Heavenly Father for His gracious blessings.

A Case for Stay-at-home Moms

The other day, I heard about some negative comments about Ann Romney and how as a stay-at-home mom, she has never worked a day in her life. These comments were from a woman. Wow. . .

Why is it that feminism will fight for my right as a woman, but only as long as I want that right to contradict tradition? I have the right to be a career woman, but if I choose to stay home to raise my children, it means I will waste away my talents wiping dirty noses and scrubbing toilets? Sad. Women should feel free to choose lives that work best for them. We cheer and clap when a woman pushes past barriers to a successful career, but look down on the woman who sacrificed financial gain and status to stay home. As women, we should also celebrate a woman's CHOICE to stay home. Who better to advocate for women than women? Who to understand the rigors of motherhood and housework than a woman? Why fight against ourselves? Why is it only one choice is celebrated as the modern choice?

I am a working mother. I would love to stay home with my child. And not because I am lazy or lack ambition. I am an educated woman with goals and ambitions. I work hard, I am a professional, and I am a valuable asset to my employer. I know I make a difference to the clients I serve. But even so, I only have 18 years to raise my sweet baby. And with all the good I do at work for strangers and acquaintances, I am not so sure it is worth the hours away from my child. I want to be the one who teaches her to be a strong woman, to treat others with kindness, and to work hard. There's only so much time left, the clock's ticking already and I know the impact I can have on my children will last far longer than anything I could do at work. In the long-term scheme of things, I do not want to be remembered for my career but for the influence I have had on my posterity.

Shame on you, Ms. Rosen. And three cheers for women who sacrifice so much to raise their children--as stay at home mothers or working moms.

Is it actually time, this time?

It's been over 14 months since baby. I can't believe how quickly time passes. It's been quite the adventure learning how to adapt to life as a working mother. I really do not know how so many women do this--and with more than one child! I am an aspiring stay-at-home-mother and find solace in the hopes that someday (and hopefully soon), I will have the opportunity to stay home. Funny how I day-dream about being able to stay home to scour a tub or organize a closet! I wonder how long that will last once I actually have that opportunity.

In January, I was super-mom, super-wife, super-Amber. My house was clean--every day! I even found time to organize several of my closets and de-cluttered most of the rooms in my house. I planned menus and grocery lists and made healthy, home-cooked meals. I also had a consistent work-out routine. I was motivated. Amazing, this was all during a terrible period of a vitamin D deficit (which is so exhausting it feels like pregnancy!).

But something happened. And I don't know what. But I couldn't push myself anymore.

Two months later, I'm wondering why I burned out. I am particularly anxious to lose the baby weight. I always considered myself active and athletic. But I can see that's not really accurate anymore. I'm wondering how to actually get motivated. How do I care enough to make it stick?

During pregnancy I felt bad that I gained so much weight and so quickly (I gained about 40lbs). I wasn't totally consistent in working out (do you want to hear excuses about feeling exhausted or nauseous?) but I did not feel like I ate that much. Looking back, I realize that most of that weight was water-retention. I was sooo swollen nearly my whole pregnancy--my eyelids and nose were even swollen and my hands were so swollen I even got carpel tunnel. Ultimately, I got really sick in the end and I think the swolleness was perhaps related to my illness. Still, I fluctuate between 5-10lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight and I was 8-10lbs heavier than I should have been at that point.

The following photos are motivation to get back to my old weight. I often think that's unrealistic, but I also know the longer I wait and the more babies I have, the harder it will be. This post is an attempt to get myself moving again and watching my food intake. Here's to hoping it sticks this time!

**Oh, the good ole' days when we all thought we were so fat! ha ha