Getting others to consider you a grown up

In my previous young adulthood years, I noticed myself stuck in the awkward not an adult, but not a child paradigm. As I mentioned yesterday, I am finally beginning to feel like a legitmate grown up, but in the years up to this point, it was a very ambiguous and uncomfortable stage to navigate. I think most young adults, particularly college students can agree, that many times it feels like you are way to young to actually be an adult. In fact, adulthood seems to be an convenience term. For instance, we insist upon being treated like adults and considered for adult priveledges--voting, drinking, dating, making one's own decisions, etc. However, there are times we insist upon maintaining our juvenile rights as well: "I'm too young to pay bills; you can't expect that out of me--I'm just a kid; I shouldn't have to worry about that, that's my parents' job!" How ironic to insist upon the rights of an adult, only to self-proclaim immunity through immaturity.

Anyway, like I said, I am finally easing out of that awkward stage, but as a "career woman," I am now faced with the challenge of getting others to take me seriously as an adult. Fortunately, I have been able to win over most skeptics through my "professional" behavior and competence. But it remains an interesting and often humorous endeavor. I only wonder how my 22 year old sister navigates this challenge and my soon to be dentist sister who is not only a mere 25 year old, but a female in a male dominated profession.

A few days ago I introduced myself to my 50-60 year old male client. He greeted me with a, "So, you think you can help me, huh?" I playfully responded, "I sure hope so!" to which he replied, "I seriously doubt that." Fortunately, by the end of our appointment, he shook my hand and admitted that I was a pleasure and that he was pleasantly surprised by our interaction and anticipated working with me in the future.

One associate told me that she imagined the employer visits I regularly make would be ineffective. She was sure her professional friends who only half listen to me, roll their eyes when I left, and forget everything I said. She recommended I bring a more mature colleague with me as I look like I am 12 years old.

Often my own students are surprised at how young I am. One young man entered my office and exclaimed, "Woah! You are so young!" To which I responded, "Yes, but I have a master's degree in this stuff if that makes you feel better. You are welcome to see one of my colleagues if that makes you more comfortable." We resumed the interaction.

I am always mistaken for a student, which is definitely understandable. I do try to dress appropriately to distinguish myself, but I have still had students ask me if I am a student worker. A puzzling concept that a student would be trusted to advise students in important career decisions.

I admit, there is no doubt I lack years of experience. But as a young person, I am proud of my energy, creativity, and ability to connect with the majority of my clients, who are my peers. Research shows that students learn and react most positively through their peers. Plus, where I am young, I think I am a model to other students as to how one can purposefully pursue their goals and ultimately, a career. I love being young and I do not wish to be older. And while it can be a challenge to gain buy-in from older professionals, it is a challenge I enjoy taking on--to prove someone wrong about their preconceptions. I also wager when I am experienced and their is no challenge to my adulthood, I'll wish I was young again (or at least had my young body again!).

Growing Up

It seems like young people take longer to grow up than ever before. I must say I am grateful it is no longer the norm, or maybe it was the cool thing, to get married at 15 years old. But, at 25 years old, I am only beginning to feel like a grown up, even though I have many of the grown up tasks completed on the big kid checklist.
Married--check
Own my own car--check
Graduated from college and graduate school--check
Working in my career--check
Live with my husband and not in my parent's garage or basement--check
Life insurance--check
Medical insurance--check
Paying back student loans--check
and so on.

So when does one finally feel grown up? I'm sure having a child facilitates that transition very quickly. But for those of us without children, I think I may have figured it out.

I think the body officially becomes an adult at 25 years old. I have conferred with many of my friends and the concensus is that the instant one hits 25, the body instantly changes. Where one could on the day before their 25th birthday eat all the pizza, cake, brownies, and ranch dressing they want and remain trim and tight, as soon as the same person hits 25, they instantly transform into a softened, rounder version of themself--all the while doing the exact same things they were doing for 25years up to that point! It's really an amazing transformation and one that happens so quickly it is simply too late by the time the new adult has even realized it has happened. And where a slim, in-shape person like myself never understood the challenges of diets and weight loss, I express great empathy to all the adults out there and exclaim, while huffing and puffing on the treadmill, "I think I am finally growing up!"

PS--I want to be an inventor

Random thought. How does one become an inventor? I have a great idea but lack the skills to actually create my product. How do people do it?!

To the blogging world--Yes I am still alive!

Blogging boredom, busy-ness, and a blank mind are not a positive combination to maintain a blog following. Sorry.

This new year has brought a few changes with it. Russell resigned as a police officer and is now attending school full-time. He would like to pursue an MSW and work as a therapist. Understandably, especially for someone with a counseling background, it is not very rewarding to punish and cite people every day and he would like to work on the other side--working to teach and proactively prevent problems. I admire that about him and as his greatest strengths lie in his ability to connect and talk to people, I think this is a good fit for him.

He has been going to school/work with me and it is nice to have him to eat lunch with and wave at in the halls. I unexpectedly bumped into him the other day in the halls and even recruited him to help me set up advertisements for my upcoming career fair. I am grateful that we have the opportunity to receive free tuition for at least his bachelor's degree. We joke I'll have to transfer to another university for grad school so we can continue the free ride.

Speaking of school, I applied to the University of Utah to take a few courses to qualify me for the Utah Professional Counselor license. I am currently a counselor, but only licensed in the schools and I think the timing is right to take advantage of the opportunity to expand my skill set and opportunities. And who knows, if both Russell and I get licensed, we can possibly open our own practice together.

Anyway, I received a phone call from the program director last Saturday (I'm not sure why he called me on the weekend) and he seems interested in me and would like to move forward. I am working to figure out what classes I need. Unfortunately, it looks like I need several more credit hours than I expected (around 20), which will possibly be a little harder to manage. Regardless, I am pretty sure I'll still move forward with it. UVU should also help compensate some of the cost, which I am crossing my fingers on as the school is bracing itself for a possible 15% budget cut which could include salary reductions and the reduction of benefits.

Other news, unexciting for probably everyone but me, is that we finally bought some redish/brick colored curtains and pillows for our living room. I have been talking about it for a long time but putting it off until I my own home. I finally figured it is time to make where-ever I live a home instead of procrastinating. Live for today, right? PS--Thank you to anyone who gave me Walmart gift cards for my wedding. I have finally used them.

Career Paths

As a career counselor, I hear a lot of perceptions and misperceptions about career choices and planning. Many students are clueless. Some are a little more prepared and driven. While others are misled by individuals with no right to advise on career trends. Most people are a combination.

I met with a student today who worried that she might choose the wrong masters in counseling program. If she chose an MSW instead of a marriage and family therapy or counseling program would she be "screwed"? First, I don't recognize too many significant differences in any of those fields--all qualify someone to provide counseling/therapy. Second, I think that a master's degree in anything is a positive step and makes a person more marketable than if they didn't complete the degree. Third, and this is my major point, it is hard to classify a career path was "wrong" or worthless. Each new opportunity we take has the potential to dramatically alter our future, especially in the career world.

I would wager that most people end up in career paths they never would have imagined. Some of the positions many of us will hold by the time we retire are not even created yet.

In high school, I never would have guessed I'd be a career counselor at a university. Even during my master's program, I don't think I would have seen this as a part of my path. And I am confident this will not be the end of my own career development. Who knows where I will be, what I will be doing, and hopefully, how much more money I'll be making. ;) It is interesting the small steps we take that alter our fate. I truly believe it is the Lord opening new paths and showing us the way. Even devastating career issues and changes often lead to even greater success elsewhere--sometimes the Lord has to close doors to get us to open the ones right in front of us.

So, I'd like to ask. How did you get to where you are today?

My career progression:
High School: considered family history (how embarrassing--I really was a Molly!)
College: Sociology major (really, not a very real-life applicable degree, but again, not necessarily the wrong choice for me to take)
1st "career type job": Three Springs of North Carolina--counselor to delinquents--helped me get into graduate school
Master's degree: school counseling, high school focus (decided I wanted to help students with their careers)
1st "real" career type job: Career counselor, university
Thoughts on the future: sometimes wish I had a MSW so I could do therapy; would like to have a second BS in communication/pr; considering opening a resume online business--who knows how?; would like to teach at UVU adjunct for student success or career exploration classes; could really see myself in a PR type job

Squish out their eyes!

As the wife of a cop, I hear a lot of crazy stories. I heard a pretty crazy one just the other day, but ironically, and even a little more scary, this story is from a co-worker. Here is the story:

Just a few nights ago, this woman's daughter's boyfriend (we'll call him Bob for the sake of avoiding long soap opera relationship chains) decided to stop by the gas station and pick up a pop and a snack before heading to his girlfriend's apartment. Apparently after purchasing his pop, Bob got into his truck to find a homeless man (whom he has given money and food to in the past)sitting in the passenger seat with his hand in his pocket. Not knowing if he really had a gun or not, Bob willingly agreed to give him his wallet and was coerced into driving the man up Provo Canyon. After a long night driving around rural side roads, stopping at ATM machines, and pleading with the man to let him go, Bob finally saw a large group of people (probably camping) near the side of the road. It was morning and Bob pulled over to the people, told the man if he didn't get out immediately, he'd make a big scene, and the man got out. Of course he then called the cops, but the man was still on the loose.

Crazy story. Scary story. It reminds me of all the scenarios my mom always used to theorize about with my siblings and me as kids.

Mom: "If some guy grabs you at gunpoint at a store and tells you to come with him, tell him, 'Kill me now while there are witnesses!!' It's better than being dragged off, assaulted, and tortured where no one can help or find you."


Mom: "What do you do if a guy attacks you? Squish their eyes out. Just keep pushing and pushing until they pop out!"
Us:"Ewww, Mom! That's gross"
Mom: "Well you have to visualize yourself doing it. It's gross, but you just have to keep pushing and pushing until they pop out, otherwise, you won't be able to do it."


Mom: "If you are carjacked, crash into something before they take you out to the middle of no-where. At least that way you have a chance of surviving and people can still find you."


And so on. My mom is a true fighter. And so is my husband. Both of them visualize scenarios and picture themselves reacting. That way, when the worst happens, the adrenaline kicks in, and you can no longer think clearly, you have trained yourself to respond appropriately. When I heard this story I thought about how I probably wouldn't have taken off at the gas station. That I'd probably jump out of the vehicle, start screaming and resolve the situation right there. Maybe he really did have a gun, but at least that way someone could probably help me right away, arrest the culprit, and worst case scenario, at least my family would know what happened. But maybe that is a risk not worth taking? Russell says you do what you need to do to stay alive--that even if you are raped, tortured, at least you're still alive. But I think as a woman, though, I'd rather not put myself through the torture of what can happen. I always picture those poor women I heard about on America's Most Wanted, raped, cut open, and stuffed with broken beer bottles. Yuck! And what if he didn't have a gun at all? So I don't know.

And who knows, maybe I'd be too chicken to be so bold. How do you think you would react? What's the best way to react?

Politics Make My Brain Hurt

I have never been very politically savy and often notice myself merely repeating what I have heard respected people around me saying about what is going on in our democracy. I have been trying extra hard this year to get interested in politics, understand the issues, and vote. Yes, I am embarrassed to say that I fit my demographic--I have never before voted. But I look forward to voting for my first time this November.

Because I don't always understand politics enough or have enough history following each of the candidates to catch or understand lies, over/understatements, I appreciate the following article. It breaks down inconsistencies and discrepencies for politically un-savy people like me. This article discusses last night's debate .

One thing my untrained mind picks up on, however, is that I can't find any substance to Obama's whole Hope and Change thing. What does that mean? Where is the substance? Obama scares me. He's creepy. And what creeps me out the most is that it seems like people only follow him because he's dynamic, not for what he stands for. I certainly do not understand what "Change" actually means in concrete terms. Spell it out for me Barack, because I can't seem to figure it out, at least when you speak! What does he stand for aside from some fluffy ideal of Hope and Change. Sure, I'd choose to eat lunch with Obama over McCain any day. And I don't particularly like McCain, but at least I feel like he has a little more concrete to his fluff. I don't want to say that Obama is akin to Hitler, but Hitler was charismatic, too. I just don't want to vote for a leader based on how fun and energized his public speaking is.

Anyway, check out the article from Factcheck.org and let me know what you think. PS, it does point out issues with both Obama and McCain, for those of you who don't agree with my ideas on Obama.